wrong on several levels or file under 'not loving this old person'

here is the exchange i had with a patient of mine who may be lacking an edit button:

     pt:  have you lost weight?

     me:  yes, just a few pounds.

     pt:  i can see it in your face.

     me:  yes, if i lose a few pounds that seems to be the first place it shows up.

     pt:  well, better that than your breasts.

     me (squelching the idea of one, covering my chest, or two, whacking him on the head):  !


first of all, please don't mention my breasts to me.  i am your doctor.  second of all, in contrast to that decidedly male point of view you are proffering, a certain some of us women would be glad to lose a few pounds in our chests.

at least i have an edit button.

file under 'i love old people'

my 80 year old patient's take on dr. oz:  'he's everywhere. like shit in a manure spreader.'

sticks and stones

the earliest signs of spring are here.  birds are chirping, grass is greening, crocuses are blooming, and old folks are falling.  around here, in this rural setting, spring brings with it a universal stirring deep in the heart of old folks, an awakening, that spurs them out of their quiet homes and into their yards to pick up sticks.  the sticks, like sirens, call to them, 'come.  come!  we are waiting for you!'

gathering sticks in early spring is a ritual as deeply rooted in their souls as christmas.  but if you are old, i urge you, you must resist!  the ground is uneven, your balance - oh, your balance! - has all but abandoned you, and the wind is poised like a cat waiting to rush at you the moment you are at your most vulnerable - bent at the waist, reaching for that stick, stretching your arm just a little beyond what your shoulder and your equilibrium expected.  you will go down!

but don't worry.  i am waiting for you.  i will clean and bandage your wounds.  i will send you to PT for balance and gait training.  and yes, i will admonish you to leave those sticks to the younger folks, you're too old for that now.  but you and i both know, tomorrow is another day, and who are we if we don't at least occasionally heed our sirens.

where are you, spring?

i thought i could will it to be spring by wearing a nice bright blouse and cotton sweater today.  instead i'm just cold.

make love not war

in the throes of passion, things can and do go awry.  here of some of the unfortunate outcomes i've encountered in my practice:

hip dislocation
cervical disc herniation
cerebral hemorrhage

just a friendly reminder to take it easy out there folks!

burnout

there are always a small but steady stream of articles circulating in the medical world and elsewhere  about doctor burnout. (apparently we are more prone to it then other professions.)  reading them, i never felt they applied to me.  until recently at least.  they say the doctor who treats herself, treats a fool, but i am feeling pretty confident in my self diagnosis.

it seems a perfect storm has arisen in my professional life - a too busy practice, growing EHR demands that increasingly and unrelentingly sap my time, energy and spirit, and the most dreaded (and overrated)  Maintenance of Certification, a yearlong slog through marginally beneficial and mostly burdensome requirements culminating in an very expensive and stressful exam.

fortunately for me i am an eternal optimist.

my prescription:  time

it heals most wounds.

doctor nightmare

needless to say, i was very happy to wake up this morning and come to the realization that i do not have to repeat my last year of residency. it was just a dream nightmare.