may i have the envelope please...

you may already know of my aversion to the proffered envelope or other item in the exam room (sure to contain something gross).  so when my patient reached into her purse and pulled out a sealed envelope, i ran from the room inwardly cringed.  in this envelope, she told me, were the pinworms she had pulled out of her carpet.  she described their pale bodies and hooked mouths to me in great detail.

i bravely pulled on my gloves and set out a drape to catch the worms.  i carefully unsealed the envelope and shook the contents out onto the drape.  oh, dear.

which of these things is a pinworm?

 a)  a down feather
b)  a piece of a pretzel stick
c)  the stem from a grape

answer:  d) none of the above

what is this woman's diagnosis?

answer:  sadly, hallucinations related to her underlying dementia.